Friends Indeed.

One of the hardest things about moving back home was leaving all of my friends.  I was a pretty introverted teenager, with a very extroverted twin brother.   Most of my friends were only friends with me because they were friends with my 'super-cool' brother.  I didn't really mind, but after high school we all went our separate ways and lost touch, as is the way of things.  Since then, it has been hard for me to make, and keep, friends.  In college my only friends were my roommates and their friends, and I was too busy missing Nathan to really try at those relationships.  Plus, we didn't really have much in common.  That's what happens when you feel like the only sane Christian at a very secular school.  It wasn't until moving to Bend, and living there for a couple months; that I really started to form friendships with people that were all my own.  And it wasn't until I had formed those relationships that I finally understood what it meant to be a friend, in the original sense of the word.


In this day and age, with Facebook and all; the word friend has become very watered down.  Friends used to be few and far between.  They were special people, set apart.  Unlike family, you didn't have to like them; you chose to.  Now, with the internet, people use the word "friend" to describe anyone they know; from the guy you met at camp to the distant relation you've never met.  Really, these people are just acquaintances.  Let's think about it; the vast majority of people we know are not really our friends in the true sense of the word. "A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts." I think trust is the big word here.  Friends are the people you go to when you're in trouble.  The ones you call when you are sad, lonely, upset, or in need of a friend.  They are close, you know them personally and can go talk to them face to face.  People you spend a large amount of your time on; whether that be in their presence, on the phone, in prayer, or whatever.  They help you out with your problems and you help them.  It goes both ways.

This is the friendship I'm talking about when I say that I never really had friends.  My husband is of course my friend, but he's a guy.  I love him to death, but he can't understand every part of what makes me, me.  A girl needs other girls too, for goodness sake!  And I know that, as much as he loves me, my husband needs other guys too.  So when we moved to a new town for the first time, this was our chance; to form lasting relationships with people we met.  It wasn't easy, friendship is hard work.  We all have different schedules and interests.  While you want to do one thing, your friend wants to do another, and maybe there is another friend who wants to do something completely different!  If we are true friends then we learn compromise.  But not only that, we must give of ourselves.  Our friends need us as much as we need them, and we have to learn to give as much as we take.

I learned all this from my friendship with Jen and Lizzie.  I had known of Jen before moving to Bend, but in an abstract kind of way: she had gone to youth group with Nathan.  When I met her, I thought she was a fun kind of person, and left it at that.  When we lived in the same apartment complex, however; I saw more of her and realized, here is person that I would like to become friends with.  Simple as that.  And Jen being Jen, she didn't care, she was already friends with me, I just hadn't known.  When I met Lizzie, I knew right away that I wanted to be her friend.  Both of these ladies are amazing women to know.  They have such compassionate hearts, (the fact that they accept me as a friend is proof of that), and willing attitudes.  And a taste for adventure.  More than me I think... No, for sure they do. :)  I would not have survived this spring OR summer without these two, although they probably would have been fine with out me!
Living in Madras has made it more difficult to hang out; I can't drive so I must match my schedule not only with my friends, but also my family.  It is a lot harder to be spontaneous.  Everything must be planned, on my end at least, as I am only in town for a set amount of time.  Even with these difficulties, we are still good friends.  And I still very much treasure my time with them.

Jen and Lizzie - So silly :)

Then along came the summer internship and 20 new young people.  (Young being relative; they were the same age as us.)  Being young and married created a whole new set of problems in the friend department.  Nathan and I really wanted to be friends with these people.  They were interesting, shared our beliefs, and were ready for adventure.  But we ran up against a problem neither of us expected.  Try as we might to invite people to play volleyball, disc golf, go cliff jumping; we were always getting left out of their adventures.  And it wasn't because we were year-long residents; the others were included, so why us? Why was it so hard to have conversations with these people, to be true friends?  The answer was eventually made clear.

This young adults didn't know how to treat us, as a married couple.  We were different, set apart.  The excuses I got all ran along the line, "We thought you guys would want to spend time together." PEOPLE! We live with each other!  It's not like we never see each other!  If we want to spend quality time with each other, leave that to us.  Don't decide for us without even asking!  I think I heard the question, "Where's Nathan?" more often then anything else that summer.  And yes, I realize that as a married person people are going to ask about my spouse; but these 20 somethings couldn't think of anything else to ask me.  I was Nathan's wife, and after that?  Nothing.  I was too confusing of an enigma for them to really delve into who I was and what made me, me.

It was a very frustrating summer.  Thankfully for me, I had friends, so it wasn't too bad.  But my poor husband, his friends went to hang out with the new interns and left him in the wake.  To be left out because we were married really irked us.  But what can you do?  If they didn't want to hang out with us, we couldn't force them; that isn't friendship.  It was an interesting lesson to learn.

Me and Lizzie.

Jen and I.

So I have learned to value my friendships very much.  They get me through the tough times, like now, with Nathan gone.  I make an effort to see them, to ask how their weeks are going, how they are.  Every one is in need of friends, and I have found these two ladies to be friends indeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh and P.S.

Because we live in different towns, I often need to set up days to do things.  We go to church in Bend, so I try to do lunch with the girls before the long drive home.  Last Sunday was one of those days.  Nathan was hanging out with friends as well so it worked out nicely.  We made soup and painted peg people for one of my nephews.  Jen was not in attendance because she was out of town.

This is Alexandra.  She is a year-long resident for Antioch, I met her when she came for the summer and she is an exception to my previous rant.  Aside from being very musically gifted, (this girl has got a voice to be heard!), she is also gifted with a steady hand.  This means it was her honor to paint all the faces on our peg people.  This beautiful lady is getting married this winter to the man of her dreams. :) I wish them joy with all my heart!

The blue-eyed family.

Both families and the house they all go in.

Lizzie wasn't very confident but her peg people turned out beautifully!

Paint.

We made corn chowder without a receipe.  This consisted of us throwing stuff in a pot.  Corn, chicken broth, chicken meat, carrots, potatoes, and garlic.  Salt and pepper too.   It turned out pretty good! :)